Relationships

I find that as I age, my relationships change.  Is this just a function of time passing or do I require different things from my relationships now that I'm older?  I'll leave aside my relationship with my family for another time and talk, instead, about friendships. 

When I was younger, I thought that friendships were forever.  When a friendship proved not to be lasting, I assumed that it had not been a "true" friendship.  I worked hard at maintaining them.  I actually had a follow up system to be sure I kept in touch with everyone regularly.  I loved throwing parties for hordes of people.  To some extent, I judged my worth in terms of how many people were in my network.

Now I realize that friends come into and out of my life as they need me and I need them.  I continue to see some people with whom I have little in common because we share a history and they still see me as the person they knew "when."  These friends help me to tangibly retain my past.  But the people I'm most likely to enjoy spending time with (aside from family) are those who are exploring this new terrain.  Those people change from time to time.  Old friends reappear to share new insights and experiences.  New acquaintances turn into friends as we share perceptions.  And it's okay when they disappear again for a time.  I don't become less worthy when they are gone.

The gift in this evolving point of view is time alone.  When I don't have to attend to the constant round of keeping relationships up-to-date, I'm actually forming a new friendship with myself.